Maybe it’s the time of year, but so many things about shopping in stores annoy me. Here’s a sampling:

1. People

And by that I mean people. You’d never suspect the economy had hit a serious snag given the number of shoppers who nearly ran over me at the neighborhood mall. Granted, it’s one of those outdoor, pedestrian-friendly ones where the über-tall Christmas tree was up and spreading its cheer weeks before deep frying the Thanksgiving turkey was on anyone’s to-do list, so I should’ve expected it. I don’t know how many cell phone photos I’m in, but I’m guessing at least a half a dozen. And my legs are just now recovering from being repeatedly thwacked by toddler-stuffed strollers and Sur la Table bags filled with cast-iron skillets.

2. Parking

’Nough said, except I believe I’m on the lot’s security tape, which you can probably view on YouTube. I’m the charmer counting by ones.

3. Music

Moving from store to store, the songs changed, but the decibel level? Ha! Or should I say HA! Boy, have I gotten old. Suddenly I’ve morphed into my father when it comes to loud music. All that’s missing is a furious mono-brow and my storming down the stairs, scotch and soda in hand, yelling, “Keep that goddamned noise down!”

4. Music (Outdoors, that is.)

A roving band of clad-in-white brass musicians serenaded whoever made the mistake of pausing to adjust a sock.

5. Salespeople

Is it me, or have they gotten really—well, kind of—creepy? It used to be I could ignore their cheery “Hello, can I help you?” Now I’ve got tiny, thin people fixing me with unblinking stares as they swiftly press in on me. “Hiiii. How are you? I loooove that jacket you’re wearing.” Suddenly I’m back in high school, backed up against my locker, clutching Social Studies Now and a three-ring notebook to my chest.

6. Choices

Frankly, there are too many, and I’m just overwhelmed. Now, if I could take the top I saw at store A and the necklace from store B and put them in a shop together…hmmm.

7. Dressing rooms

A door that came up higher than, say, my nipples would be nice. But I guess any door is better than a curtain that blows open whenever someone walks by. I’ve decided flattering lighting is too much to ask for. I should just be glad there’s lighting of any kind. And did I mention the time I had to step over a child’s…um, liquid expression of shopping excitement?

There, seven. Better end on a lucky number, or I’ll be jinxed for life.